


and all your walls are caving in

by beware_of_you



Series: only love [4]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAU family fluff in a way, Emily is gay, F/F, Flashback, JJ is oblivious, Mom Emily!!, Sorry Will, Will has no rights, brief mentions of WillxJJ, but it don’t even matter, don’t get used to it tho, god Emily is such a good friend, he just getting in the way of gays, i rly do like will in canon i swear, it’s adorable folks, mom JJ!!, this series is angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25544302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beware_of_you/pseuds/beware_of_you
Summary: jj finally tells emily why she’s been acting so weird lately
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Series: only love [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838533
Comments: 5
Kudos: 105





	and all your walls are caving in

**Author's Note:**

> i keep saying fuck will rights i am v sorry will stans (i’m sure ur out there)
> 
> [[also i’ll check tomorrow if there’s any mistakes bc this is my first time posting on mobile and I,,,,, do not like,,,, but I also rly wanted  
> to post this tonight so,,,,,,,]]

_She stands in front of the apartment, hand raised to knock on the door. It's late and she had just managed to pry herself from her desk at work, thinking of nowhere else to go but here._

_She always ends up here when she has no one else to talk to._

_She finally gathers the courage to knock, her hand coming up and knuckles falling down on the door in rapid succession. She pauses, waiting. She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth, chewing on it impatiently._

_[It's a nervous habit she sort of wants to break—it constantly leaves her lips chapped and dry. Though, her resolve always breaks when she comes in the office and finds a new chapstick on her desk every few weeks (the most recent flavor is cherry, easily her favorite.)_

_No one will say who leaves them on her desk, but she's pretty sure she knows. After all, if it were Penelope or Spence, they would flat out tell her. Derek swears he has no idea but there's always a teasing glint in his eyes, which means he so knows who leaves them for her. She's immediately ruled Rossi and Hotch out from the very beginning. They're not the type to leave random gifts for anyone on the team._

_Besides, the way Emily's eyes brighten when she catches the blonde using the chapstick on a flight or in the conference room keys JJ in on who leaves them for her. It's enough to keep her in the habit, perhaps selfishly, but it makes her day a little bit better when she comes in and sees a new chapstick sitting perfectly in the middle of her desk.]_

_JJ reaches up to knock on the door again, freezing half way up when the door swings open._

_How Emily Prentiss manages to make a simple outfit consisting of only a worn Spice Girl's graphic tee that flows past her knees and simple black sweats look even remotely presentable, JJ has no idea. But she swears her mouth goes dry and her heart skips a beat every time she even sees Emily. Honestly, she's personally going to fight the queer goddesses because it's not remotely fair how even the very sight of this woman can turn her into a functionless idiot, her brain into static fuzz._

_"JJ? What are you doing here?"_

_The sound of Emily's voice, so soft and full of concern snaps JJ back to reality, clears the fuzz in her head. Looking up at those warm chocolate brown eyes, she opens her mouth then shuts it, pressing her lips into a flat line before laying her arms across her stomach protectively. "Can I come in?" she asks quietly. "I need to talk to you."_

_Emily quickly nods and moves aside, shutting the door behind the blonde when she steps past the threshold. JJ spots a small tub of frozen yogurt on the coffee table, metal spoon stabbed upright into the confection. The TV is paused on what looks to be Masterchef since Gordon Ramsay doesn't appear to be completely overcome with rage at what's going on around him._

_Wordlessly, Emily gestures for her to have a seat, disappearing briefly to the kitchen. JJ slowly sinks onto the couch, eyes flashing towards the television to confirm what she already assumed. She places her hands in her lap, playing with her fingers and staring down at them, biting down on her lip again._

_She strokes her hand along Sergio’s back when the cat jumps up onto her lap, a brief smile flashing on her lips as she clicks her tongue at him. He head-butts her cheek with a delighted purr, jumping on the back of the couch and laying down with his head on her shoulder._

_A soft hand lays on JJ's shoulder, causing her to turn towards the other woman as she sinks beside her on the couch. Emily's brow furrows with worry when their eyes meet, setting a second spoon down on the lid of the yogurt. "Are you okay? Is this about what's been bothering you all week?"_

_JJ props her elbow against the back of the couch, leaning her head into her palm and facing Emily sideways. She hums briefly in confirmation, reaching over and grabbing the spoon Emily had gotten for her. She didn't have to reach as far when Emily picks up the tub and sets it between them, sinking the spoonful of light pink yogurt between her lips. The dessert is tart as it dissolved on her tongue, the metal spoon clicking between her teeth as she pulls it from her mouth._

_She often forgets that she works with profilers, people trained in human behavior. Of course she had never been as subtle as she would have liked to think she was. Or maybe it’s because Emily just knows her really well. Either way, she's not exactly that surprised that Emily knew something was wrong._

_"Yeah," she admits out loud, sinking her own spoon back into the tub. She takes another spoonful, avoiding eye contact when she finally got the courage to spit it out. "I'm pregnant."_

_Emily nearly chokes on her spoon, quickly removing the utensil from her mouth and covering her lips with the side of her hand to contain her choking fit. Her eyes water slightly at the effort, throat spazzing with the force of her silent coughs. "How— I mean, how far along?" she chokes out._

_JJ briefly rests a hand on her own stomach, almost tentatively. "Six weeks."_

_"JJ, that's—," Emily manages to get out once she's controlled herself once again. "That's great. Congratulations," she murmurs genuinely with a wheeze. She pauses with another frown. "Wait, that's good, right? What did Will say?"_

_JJ grimaces slightly, poking around the tub. "That's um— That's why I'm here," she admitted softly, scooping up a small spoonful. "I stayed behind at the office to call him and tell him."_

_"And?" Emily gently persuades._

_JJ shrugs a shoulder slightly, not seeming the least bit upset when she says, "He said that he wanted nothing to do with the baby." She quickly eats what was on her spoon. "And that whatever decision I make doesn't involve him."_

_Emily swears she saw red, her free hand balling to a fist at her side because who the hell does William LaMontange Junior think he is? Now that JJ's pregnant with his child, he was just going to leave her high and dry, to face the consequences on her own? Some fucking man he is. She has half the mind to fly down to New Orleans, drag him up to DC by the dick if she has to and make him offer JJ some support because, Jesus Christ, it's the least he can fucking do! "JJ—"_

_"I'm not even upset about it," JJ continues honestly. "It hurt, a bit, I can't lie. I thought he would have at least told me what to do," she admits quietly, poking around the tub of yogurt absentmindedly. She looks over at Emily, propping her spoon against the side of the container._

_"And you want to know the first thing I felt when he told me that?" JJ asks, barely giving Emily time to respond before she chuckles shortly. "Relief."_

_She runs a hand through her hair in disbelief. "The father of my child tells me he wants nothing to do with me or my decision and the first thing I thought was "Thank God, I'm not going to be forced to be tied down with him."_

_She breathes out another humorless chuckle, hiding her eyes with her hand. "It was fun and exciting to be with him. Fly down to New Orleans every other weekend, pretending no one knew about it like I was a teenager sneaking off. He gave me attention and that was exciting, addicting." She pauses, shaking her head. "But I never could see a future with him. I could never see myself falling in love with him, not fully."_

_"You never told me this," Emily breathes out in surprise, sympathy etched all over her face._

_JJ smiles wryly. "I never could admit it until I told him about... I guess I just always knew that he wasn't so great. In the back of my head, a gut feeling, whatever you want to call it." She lays her cheek against the back of the couch, tucking her legs up beneath herself. She scoffs lightly, trying to make some light of the situation. "The sex wasn't even remotely great."_

_She considers it a win when Emily chuckles briefly, mirroring her position. "Maybe if he was a bit more decent, I would have tried to see something with us. A future," she continues softly. "But I don't think I would have if he wanted the baby."_

_"And that's okay," Emily soothes. "You don't have to force a relationship with someone because of a baby, especially if you never wanted to in the first place. Things would only get messy."_

_"I know," JJ murmurs, her hand finding Emily's and giving it a grateful squeeze._

_Their fingers twine together easily, JJ sighing softly when the skin of their palms meet. Emily clears her throat gently, causing JJ's eyes to flicker back to hers. "What are you feeling?" she asks. "About everything."_

_JJ sucks in a breath, her free hand laying flat on her stomach. "Nervous. After the test came back positive, I panicked a little because I didn’t believe it was real,” she admits gently. "But, overall the one thing I feel is excited?" She says it like she's not sure if that's a normal response for someone in her situation to have. "I always wanted to be a mom. I'm financially stable, just bought a decent home with a spare room I can turn into a nursery and bedroom... Despite everything, I want this."_

_"But?" Emily pries gently, giving her fingers a squeeze to persuade her to go on._

_"The thought of doing this alone is terrifying to me," JJ says quietly. "I don't know how to be a mom, I don't know if I'll do things right. I don't... I don't even know if it's right for me to want to do this because of the job. Is it selfish for me to want to go through with this?"_

_Emily shakes her head firmly. "Of course it's not," she murmurs reassuringly. "Our job is hard, but it doesn't mean it should stop us from experiencing normal things in life, like relationships or starting a family. It's hard, but you'll find a way to make it work. You're Jennifer Jareau, and from what I've come to know about you is that you never quit. You make things work. You'll balance work and home life and leave the rest of us wondering how the hell you do it."_

_Emily squeezes JJ's hand reassuringly., smiles at her warmly, "You're a natural when it comes to kids. I've seen how you act with them on cases: you make sure they're safe, you're incredible at calming them down and make sure that they're protected. I know it's scary, and no one really tells you how exactly to be a mom, but you figure things out as you go along and do what your instincts tell you is best. You'll be a fantastic mom, Jayje."_

_She breathes out another chuckle, smirking slightly. "And you really think the team will let you handle this on your own? We have your back, no matter what. Penelope won't know what to do with herself, she'll be so excited and eager to help out."_

_Her voice had become quieter at this point. She reached over, tucking a piece of golden hair behind her ear. "And I would never ever let you go through this alone. I'll be here whenever and however you need me to be."_

_JJ was so thankful that the room was so dark, that her reddened cheeks weren't visible to the older woman. Her heart was thudding inside her chest, swelling with overwhelming emotion it nearly brings tears to her eyes. She just blames it on the pregnancy hormones instead of admitting that the sentiment ran a lot deeper than Emily leaving chapstick on her desk. It meant that she cares, genuinely gives a shit about JJ and would do anything for her._

_She swallows thickly, voice raw with emotion when she speaks up. "Thank you. It means a lot, really."_

_"Of course," Emily murmurs, giving her hand a squeeze and rubbing her shoulder supportively. "It's what friends are for."_

_Everyone on the team is just supportive as Emily had been when JJ finally tells them that she's pregnant._

_Penelope and Reid are immediately her biggest supporters, as they have always been in the past. It's endearing how excited the youngest members of the team are and help her out however they can both at the office and at her new home._

_Derek is equally as thrilled as Reid and Garcia. He even comes over during a few weekends to help with the nursery. Though, he does have to be convinced that Will really isn't worth the trouble. JJ thinks what really convinced him is Emily telling him that little baby Jareau will have awesome kickass BAU uncles that are a thousand times the role models than that backwoods hick detective would ever dream of being, anyways. It certainly made her feel better and she was never really upset over him in the first place._

_Rossi immediately went into what everyone dubs his "Italian Dad Mode" where he reassured JJ for weeks on end about how he's excited and proud of her and how she'll make a great mom. It's incredibly reassuring and refreshing to hear. She also really appreciates how he would make her dinner sometimes because, well, David Rossi knows how to cook and his food is honestly to die for._

_Even Hotch is excited for her._

_He promises her that if Will ever tried anything with the child, or if she ever wants him to give her any compensation for the baby, Hotch would personally represent her in court and make sure that she would get what she needed. Honestly, she's not even too pressed about it. Will made his choice. She doesn't want anything to do with him and she certainly doesn't want her child to have anything to do with him either._

_But, still, Hotch’s sentiment is still nice. Besides, he still treats her like a vital asset to the team like nothing's changed and that's really all she wants._

_Emily is there through it all._

_She comes over at least every other morning to JJ's place when she was suffering with morning sickness. She's there for support during the doctor's checkups. She's there for the birthing classes. She's there when JJ finds out that she's having a boy._

_["Henry," she had told Emily after that appointment. "If it was a girl, it was going to be Grace. After Ros." She smiled slightly, laying a hand on her rounded belly. "But since he's a boy, I'm naming him Henry. After my grandfather." Her heart had melted at the warm smile Emily had given her, completely turned to mush when her fingers squeezed hers firmly. "I think Henry's a wonderful name."]_

_She's there when JJ finds a temporary replacement for her role on the team while she's on maternity leave._

_(JJ knows Jordan Todd will do incredibly well for the team while she’s gone. After all, she spent weeks meticulously going through resumes and conducting interviews with several dozen candidates. Jordan has a good work ethic and a strong drive JJ knows will work well with the other members of the team. It’s only a bonus that everyone else likes her just as much as JJ does, leaving her one less thing to worry about before she leaves.)_

_Emily’s even there when JJ gives birth._

_She and Penelope are there to drive her to the hospital. Emily holds her hand as she pushes, whispers soothing things to her in several languages (which honestly, JJ never understood but it never mattered because just the sound of Emily's voice is relaxing). Emily is there when Henry is finally delivered three hours later._

_He's placed on JJ's chest screaming at the top of his lungs and covered in blood and goo. It doesn't even matter to her because he's so beautiful, he's healthy and he's hers. She loved him instantly, from the first moment she felt him fluttering around in her belly, but actually holding him in her arms just solidified that love._

_(JJ still thinks that was the best moment of her life by far. Nothing can compare to the birth of her son. Nothing.)_

_Even after the rest of the team leaves, even after Spence and Penelope say their goodbyes, Emily is there. Even when she's discharged to go home, Emily is there. She comes over almost every day unless the team has a case. She helps out so much with Henry, JJ's convinced she's a lifesaver._

_JJ has to remind herself on the daily, that every time Emily holds Henry, or changes his diaper or sings him a Russian lullaby that this is what friends do for each other. That every time Emily comes over with dinner because she's way too exhausted to cook for herself, that every time Emily runs her a soothing bubble bath, that every time Emily is simply there for her and Henry that Emily's just helping her out._

_That this domestic little perfect picture life she sees isn't entirely what she wants because Emily's not hers to have. That she shouldn't imagine life like this with Emily because it's selfish. Emily is her friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. It's a bitter truth that she doesn't like to remind herself often._

_Every time she walks into Henry's nursery and sees Emily standing in the middle, cradling her infant oh so carefully in her arms, JJ's heart would melt into a puddle and that stupid mantra she keeps telling herself is thrown out the window because it's just so perfect._

_The smile on Emily's face would always reach her eyes as she sang softly to Henry in Spanish. The infant is swaddled expertly in a blanket, humming contently as Emily sings and rocks him oh so carefully. He's just as happy in her presence as he is in JJ's._

_Her baby and her best friend look so perfect against the soft moonlight coming from Henry's window, it hurts. JJ can't help but be so deeply in love with them both._

_She ends up leaning against the doorframe and watches with a warm smile on her face each and every time she stumbles in on the scene. It's peaceful, so domestic and tranquil that she can't help but selfishly envision that this is really her life, that Emily is her's, too._

_It might not have ever been real, but in those moments, it's always nice for her to pretend._

**Author's Note:**

> jj’s obliviousness to emily’s adoration for her is honestly useless gay culture welcome to the club miss jareau


End file.
